How To Heal From A Break Up
Breakups are really, really hard. It can feel like you are being overwhelmed with negative thoughts and emotions. Here are some practical tips you can use to move on after a break up. These will help you find peace after the breakup, regain your self confidence and begin moving forward.
1. Just do the next right thing
My all time favorite mantra to tell clients when they are super distressed is to “just do the next right thing”. This is an old AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) mantra that rings true for more than just trying to stay sober. When you are at a low level of functioning it can be hard to think too much, so just focus on doing the next right thing. Now is not the time to worry about what you are going to be doing in ten years or even worry about what you are doing tomorrow. If you can just take small positive steps they will feel so much more manageable and you will be able to be mindful and focus on the tasks at hand.
2. Do all the self-care
Self care is an important first step in your journey toward healing. It can be very tempting to wallow in your sadness. However, it’s probably going to be more effective to distract yourself by indulging in something you truly enjoy. After all self-love is the most important love! Think about your physical, spiritual, social and mental well being. What can you do for yourself to help improve your health in each of those vital areas? Do something you’ve always wanted to do, take yourself on dates or buy yourself a present. Investing in yourself through self care truly is the first step on your journey toward healing. Switch from dating someone else to “dating yourself”. This means doing acts of random kindness for yourself, being gentle with yourself and buying yourself flowers, just because.
3. Be careful on social media
Social media is like a double edged sword. It both makes people feel more connected and can also make you feel more isolated. You might want to stay off social media right after a breakup. Seeing pictures of happy couples on your Facebook or IG feed might actually make you feel more alone or upset. If you do choose to look at others happy photos, please keep in mind that everyone is showing their highlight reel and nobody is posting the hard moments to their IG feed.
4. Spend quality time with loved ones
Nobody should have to go through a breakup alone. Calling your BFF and crying it out on the phone can be extremely healing, plus you get to hear someone you love remind you of how awesome you are. Allow your friends and family to be there for you, it can be temping to isolate yourself during a break up, but remember you don’t have to go it alone.
5. Find a good therapist
Therapy can help you with some much-needed support. I highly recommend finding a therapist that you trust and connect to. It is so important to have real mental health care during a break up. Find someone who you feel comfortable with and can help you to challenge some of your negative thoughts thoughts. I have another blog post all about how to choose a therapist that is right for you.
6. Use this time for personal development
Find something that you’re really happy doing, and spend a lot of time doing it. Everyone deserves some joy in their lives. Right now, joy might seem far away. But if you make the choice to bring joy back into your world you can find happiness again. Begin small. Try to learn something new. Call a friend you haven’t seen in awhile. Go to an exercise class. Plan a vacation. Return to a hobby you stopped while you were in the relationship.
7. Begin a gratitude practice
It’s well known that gratitude can be positive for mental health and happiness, but when you are in the aftermath of a relationship it can be hard to feel grateful. Try to intentionally think about all the other people in your life who love you completely, and be thankful for them. Gratitude lists are most effective when you are thankful for the small everyday things, not just saying “my house, my pet, my friends and family”. Did you have a really great cup of coffee earlier? Did you have a pleasant conversation with a cashier at Whole Foods? Be thankful for the small things, it is a powerful mindset shift we can have. Studies have shown that being thankful and practicing random acts of kindness can improve your mental health and overall happiness.
7. Focus on becoming a better person for yourself
Now is a great time to really focus and work on yourself. What do you need right now? Are there areas of your own life you began to neglect during your relationship? What would help you thrive? Perhaps it’s time to start exercising, eat healthily, learn a new skill, and travel somewhere new. We can start to neglect ourselves during a break up, reconnect with yourself by journaling or having a weekly date with yourself around downtown Akron.
Counseling for College Students in Akron, OH
As a therapist who works primarily with young adults, I understand campus life better than most private practice therapists. I have experience helping other young adults navigate the stressful college years and I enjoy counseling college students. I see a variety of people in my Akron, Ohio counseling office. I treat people with depression, anxiety, religious trauma and gender dysphoria. Still have questions? Get answers to common questions about counseling here or simply schedule a counseling session today to get started!